The Regulation Journal

Lately I’ve been reflecting on something that keeps resurfacing in my writing: my pull toward older creative men who feel emotionally safe.Men like Pedro Pascal. Oscar Isaac. Jerry Trainor. And more recently, musicians like Nicolas Petricca.

At first glance, it might look like celebrity admiration. But if I’m being honest with myself, it runs deeper than that.

It’s archetypal.

I’m drawn to a particular kind of masculinity — one that feels expressive instead of intimidating. Creative instead of rigid. Regulated instead of explosive.When I imagine someone like Nicolas singing live, something in me softens. Not because I think he knows me. Not because I expect to meet him. But because music feels intimate. It feels focused. It feels like attention without threat.And that matters more than I used to admit.

For a long time, I didn’t differentiate between admiration and attachment. If I felt something, I assumed it meant I wanted closeness. But what I’ve started to realize is that sometimes what I’m responding to is symbolic safety.

Music bypasses logic. When someone sings, your body experiences connection even if your mind understands it’s one-to-many. That neurological shortcut can blur emotional boundaries.

So when I imagine something like a Zoom performance, I have to ask myself: what does that represent?It represents being seen gently.

It represents a man using strength in a way that doesn’t overwhelm me.

It represents protection without control.

That’s big-brother energy in my internal language.

And the moment I acknowledge that, something else surfaces: fear of rejection.

Because admiration feels safe when it’s distant. The second it shifts toward personal possibility, insecurity creeps in. Why would someone like that choose me? Why would I matter? What if I reached out and was ignored?

That fear has less to do with the person and more to do with attachment history.

It’s about wanting stable older male presence and not always having it in consistent, safe forms.Creative men feel safer because they express emotion publicly. That signals containment. It signals regulation. It signals awareness.

But here’s where I have to stay grounded:Admiration does not equal entitlement.Symbolic resonance does not equal relationship.Fantasy does not equal destiny.There’s nothing wrong with recognizing that someone’s energy feels comforting. What becomes risky is when imagination fills in gaps that reality hasn’t earned.

That’s something I’ve learned through writing.

Blogging has been a space where I can examine these patterns instead of acting on them impulsively. I don’t want to give up writing just because it sometimes reveals uncomfortable truths.

At the same time, I’ve become aware that writing can amplify longing if I’m not careful. Words can turn symbolic admiration into emotional narrative. Narrative can turn into expectation.

And expectation can set the stage for rejection — even if nothing ever actually happened.So the work for me isn’t to stop admiring.

It’s to separate:

Archetype from individual

Expression from accessInspiration from attachment

I can appreciate Nicolas Petricca’s artistry. I can acknowledge that certain musicians activate a sense of safety in me. I can even admit that imagining personal connection feels comforting.

But I can also keep my feet on the ground.

Because the real goal isn’t to be chosen by a distant creative man.

The real goal is to build relationships in my actual life that reflect the same safety I admire from afar.That’s not less romantic.It’s more real.

And maybe that’s the kind of maturity writing has been quietly teaching me.